365 Days of Psalm 145

"Every day I will bless you and praise your name forever and ever..."

Some moments that remind me of God’s faithfulness in answering prayer and to be patient and understanding:

1) Student 1: MR. Two of my math classes, notorious amongst all teachers for doing nothing. Is actually ~17 yrs old but acts like a big 5 yr old. Has a huge tendency to ditch class, be disruptive, and still do nothing. 

eg, walks into class late, but must stop by each student to say “what’s up” and then randomly starts doing push-ups without anybody asking him or talking about pushups. (whyyyyyy? -___- ) randomly shouts out “I HATE MATH. I’VE NEVER UNDERSTOOD IT SINCE 1ST GRADE!!!”

These past few days, I’ve been calling on him more in Algebra…he talks a lot but it could be used  as a strength in the classroom. I keep asking him to first answer basic math questions and eventually more and more difficult questions (we are learning how to solve quadratic equations by completing the square) … finally he first starts to verbally participate (still writes nothing down on paper) …. at the end of the period yesterday, I pulled him aside and said, “M, please keep it up! You’re doing great. just get it down. You’re my perfect square :) I’m proud of you!”  MR: “OK Ms Tiff”

TODAY —> miracle —> comes to class actually has a pen (never brings anything to school) completely engages and answers all my questions and asks questions and offers to help those around him … so motivated to complete the assignment that he asked to take the work home even though I said we would finish tomorrow. I almost cried. Indeed, my perfect square!

2) Student 2: TV. (USC Fan, likes to rub it in my face, but loves that I student taught in Boyle Heights. loves boyle heights.) in two of my math classes, I’ve had him last year, likes to talk a lot…barely does work…

Recently I’ve noticed in both classes, his immense improvement in both my my classes…engages in the discussion, determined to understand the concepts, asks questions, and offers to tutor other students who are struggling. I make it a point to affirm him and encourage him to continue to stay focused and to be productive (can get sidetracked talking about basketball)  he seriously mastered how to solve by taking the square root…I call him my square root master. he likes it.

Today: “Ms. Tiffany, math is my favorite subject now because of you!”

Me: “…aww T…No…it’s because of YOU. You did it. Proud of you!”  

but on the inside…again, almost cried.

Documenting this to remember the good moments in teaching. 

I really almost gave up on both these students. 

Thank you, God, for answering my prayers…

I just tasted a little bit of how God must feel when we learn new things through His Word..when we are excited, when we surrender completely to Him, when we share His gospel, when we pray for others, etc. 

OK back to lesson planning :)

Problem Solving

My students hate math…

I push my students to problem solve when they’re stuck.

I nag on them to keep trying, even if it takes a couple of failures to get the hang of it.

I challenge them to analyze their mistakes to figure out the patterns which would help them succeed the next time around.

When they stop, I stare at them until they start again (awkwardly. ho ho ho)

….it’s time that I do the same…

I haven’t problem-solved enough this trimester to teach and motivate my students. 

Sometimes it’s overwhelming and too much work, and I want to give up…yes, I admit there are times that I want to give up on my students because I feel so hopeless…

then I forget that that’s how they feel about math and even school in general. Repeatedly failing at something results in discouragement and disillusionment..it’s natural. If I’m pushing them to problem-solve..I need to do the same!

…in times of frustration, I cry out to my classes, “What do you want me to do? How can I better teach you?!?!?!?! What I’m doing isn’t working…tell me!!! How can I make this more fun?!” 

I get frustrated because I don’t quite know yet what their thoughts are, how they best learn, how I can engage them, how I can motivate them…I can only keep trying until I notice a pattern…and continue problem-solving and tweaking my lessons…

Then I am reminded of how great our Father is, who doesn’t need to ask me how He can love, comfort, and take care of me. He already KNOWS. He CREATED me. He knows exactly what I need, how I can best learn, how I can best grow… He never fails or needs to problem solve to “figure it out” He knows my next step before I take them. He knows what mistakes I’m going to make…it was His intent. So humbled and thankful :)  

Psalm 139

O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
    you discern my thoughts from afar.
3 You search out my path and my lying down
    and are acquainted with all my ways.
4 Even before a word is on my tongue,
    behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
5 You hem me in, behind and before,
    and lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
    it is high; I cannot attain it.

7 Where shall I go from your Spirit?
    Or where shall I flee from your presence?
8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
    If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
9 If I take the wings of the morning
    and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 even there your hand shall lead me,
    and your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
    and the light about me be night,”
12 even the darkness is not dark to you;
    the night is bright as the day,
    for darkness is as light with you.

13 For you formed my inward parts;
    you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
    my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
    intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
    the days that were formed for me,
    when as yet there was none of them.

17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
    I awake, and I am still with you.

19 Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God!
    O men of blood, depart from me!
20 They speak against you with malicious intent;
    your enemies take your name in vain.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord?
    And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?
22 I hate them with complete hatred;
    I count them my enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart!
    Try me and know my thoughts!
24 And see if there be any grievous way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting!

Freedom

I am jotting this down before I forget.

I just had this feeling of relief. One word resounds in my heart: freedom. 

I’m planning my courses, the procedures, the policies, the consequences, etc. for my classroom again. I messed up so badly I wanted to make this year better. I’m stuck here revising, brooding over wording, changing, researching, etc. While doing all this is good, it’s also suffocating me and making me feel hopeless….I’ll always find something better.

….but it’s OK to mess up. Trial  & error. Learn from it, then adjust accordingly. There’s no way I can perfectly foresee what’s going to happen in my classes….

….have fun with it, tiffany! be creative….be adventurous. JUST DO IT! Stop thinking about it…just do it. 

this relief feels good… OK so let me just remember this feeling. mmmm.

here’s to a year of trial & error. hurrah!

The Little Things

Today I am thankful for the little comforts that God provides us. Sometimes I don’t even know what I need in order to feel better. 

I came back from work just feeling mentally and physically exhausted. My feet were soooo sore (seriously not used to being up on my feet for like…9 hours straight!!!!)…my throat is sore…and I just feel tired for having to be alert and aware of 200 students all day. We had a crazy fight break out at school today….it’s only the second day :( Sang said it made her top 5 fights ever at school. Karen said this was probably the worst fight she’s ever seen. I would have to agree. Last year’s riot in the parking lot was pretty bad, but the fact that this fight was indoors, in a cramped hallway with 170 students cramped up in the hallways with no escape was really frightening to me. It’s scary yelling for students to get into a room ASAP and go on lockdown …but nobody is listening; they’re all engaged in the fight. Lots of “Ohhhhhhhhh’s” and stampeding. More “Ohhhhhhh’s” follow. 

ANYWAY, I am thankful that most of the students are safe. I’m kind of glad that the fight didn’t happen in the hallway in front of my room. Knowing me, my instincts would have been to jump in and try to stop it ….and I probably would have gotten hit pretty badly. 

I forced myself to go to STarbucks…I didn’t feel like ordering my usual iced coffee w/ milk & sweetner (I had that on the way to work). Seeing them advertise for the Pumpkin Spice Latte inspired me to ask for a Peppermint Mocha. That was the perfect drink. Anything that makes me warm and in the wintery spirit makes me happy. I thanked God for such a wonderful way to soothe me… for refocusing my mind…giving me a moment of refreshment & warmth. 

Today Emme mentioned to me on a sidenote how it’s pretty cool that we’re all doing what we dreamed of doing “back in the day.” I thought about it some more…and….YES! Wow…I am working my “dream job”! It is a real blessing. 

Whew. My body’s been active and alert and working for 18 hours. TIME FOR SOME sleep. 

just to bullet point some things that made me laugh:

1) a student didn’t expect the door to be locked, so when she tried to open it to come in, she walked into the door. LAWLZZZZ I couldn’t help but laugh. good thing she was laughing at herself too ;)

2) i bumped into daniel at starbucks (it’s been a yr!!!) 
Daniel: “so are you dating?”
Me: “nope!”
Daniel: “Why?! You’re a big fish!”
Me: “?!?!?!”
Daniel:”Like…a big catch!!!!…….”
LAWLLZZZZ

3) Mario: “Uhh Ms. Lin, how much more time do we have?”
    Me: “Did you just call me Ms. Lin?”
    Mario: “…Yea :D I call everyone Ms. Lin”
    Me: “…what?!?!”
    Mario: “…..because you all look alike…..you’re all like…Asian!”
    Me: “……..OMG!!!”
    Freddy: “Wowww….Racist!!!………Hey Ms. Tiffany…have you ever had Pho?”
    Me: “yup! it’s yummy!”
    Freddy: “So you know how to make it?!”


Thank You GOD for the little things that You use to bring me laughter and comfort. You know me too well!!! :)

Thanks, God!

Very sleepy.

Good first day of school

Not used to being up on my feet all day again! 

Learning to be stern but caring. 

Prayed for confidence, for joy, for peace, for energy. 

Lots of work to do, but I think interacting w/ all the students …meeting them, talking to them, etc. really motivated me to continue planning with lots of joy !!!

After 1 week of setting up, going back and forth between group seating or paired seatings, purple letters or pink letters, big filing cabinet or small filing cabinet, crates or bins, etc etc, I think I am done setting up my room for now.  It’s probably half the size of a normal classroom, but I don’t mind! I am just so thankful to finally have my own classroom. Traveling from classroom to classroom last year was very very difficult!!!  I’m a little overwhelmed…a little stressed. I messed up a lot last year, and I don’t want to make the same mistakes! Please pray for me!  Anyway another thing that I’m thankful for is that I get to carpool with my coworkers! We got 3 new teachers for this year, and we just all naturally formed a quadruplet! One day it was just me and Karen. We both went to Rowland, except she’s 4 years older than me, so I never got to meet her! I was talking to her about how I was so bad in APUSH when I was in HS. I told her about how I got that dreaded phone call from Mr. Brunyer telling my parents that I was getting a D in that class… and how I somehow managed to bring it up to a C for both semesters…and then miraculously scored a 5 on the APUSH exam, which bumped my grade up 10% for both semesters—> solid B for both classes (the deal was that he wouldn’t curve our grades but would bump our grades if we got a 3 [3%] , 4 [5%] or 5 [10%] on the test —> maintaining my GPA.  The more I talked to her about it the more I realized how much it was a miracle that I got a 5. HOW?!?! Yes, I did study a LOT, but I was consistently scoring low scores on the DQRs & Essays…. I’m sure Mr. Brunyer wondered the same thing as he hesitantly changed my grade in the system. I sat on that for awhile….. hmmm…if I didn’t get a 5 on the APUSH exam, I would have either barely scraped by with B-’s for both semesters or gotten C’s for both semesters….then I probably wouldn’t have gotten into UCLA….then I would have never met all these wonderful friends….I wouldn’t have had some of the awesome TA’s / profs who opened my mind to the world of mathematics…I wouldn’t have had the option to do JMEP & save money on grad school and not have to take the GRE’s (hate standardized tests!!!) ….to be honest I might have not stuck with wanting to become a high school math teacher…I would not have understood the important of social justice via education….I would not have ever considered apply to or working for YouthBuild… All because of a 5 on an APUSH test. (OK maybe not..but still.) WOW. it’s kind of cool trailing backwards a couple of years and realizing how God orchestrates every little thing in our lives. 

After 1 week of setting up, going back and forth between group seating or paired seatings, purple letters or pink letters, big filing cabinet or small filing cabinet, crates or bins, etc etc, I think I am done setting up my room for now. 

It’s probably half the size of a normal classroom, but I don’t mind! I am just so thankful to finally have my own classroom. Traveling from classroom to classroom last year was very very difficult!!! 

I’m a little overwhelmed…a little stressed. I messed up a lot last year, and I don’t want to make the same mistakes! Please pray for me! 

Anyway another thing that I’m thankful for is that I get to carpool with my coworkers! We got 3 new teachers for this year, and we just all naturally formed a quadruplet! One day it was just me and Karen. We both went to Rowland, except she’s 4 years older than me, so I never got to meet her! I was talking to her about how I was so bad in APUSH when I was in HS. I told her about how I got that dreaded phone call from Mr. Brunyer telling my parents that I was getting a D in that class… and how I somehow managed to bring it up to a C for both semesters…and then miraculously scored a 5 on the APUSH exam, which bumped my grade up 10% for both semesters—> solid B for both classes (the deal was that he wouldn’t curve our grades but would bump our grades if we got a 3 [3%] , 4 [5%] or 5 [10%] on the test —> maintaining my GPA.  The more I talked to her about it the more I realized how much it was a miracle that I got a 5. HOW?!?! Yes, I did study a LOT, but I was consistently scoring low scores on the DQRs & Essays…. I’m sure Mr. Brunyer wondered the same thing as he hesitantly changed my grade in the system.

I sat on that for awhile….. hmmm…if I didn’t get a 5 on the APUSH exam, I would have either barely scraped by with B-’s for both semesters or gotten C’s for both semesters….then I probably wouldn’t have gotten into UCLA….then I would have never met all these wonderful friends….I wouldn’t have had some of the awesome TA’s / profs who opened my mind to the world of mathematics…I wouldn’t have had the option to do JMEP & save money on grad school and not have to take the GRE’s (hate standardized tests!!!) ….to be honest I might have not stuck with wanting to become a high school math teacher…I would not have understood the important of social justice via education….I would not have ever considered apply to or working for YouthBuild…

All because of a 5 on an APUSH test. (OK maybe not..but still.) WOW. it’s kind of cool trailing backwards a couple of years and realizing how God orchestrates every little thing in our lives. 

Dear Ah-Ma, These past 8 years since you’ve moved to America have been hard. I know you had started to forget the smallest things – like what you had eaten for dinner, to eventually forgetting who we were. I wished so much that I could help you remember these things, but I knew I couldn’t. Whenever I think about you, there are 3 memories that I can always fondly, and so easily recall. I want to share them with you… Ah-Ma, I’ve always wanted to be a teacher, and I remember my favorite thing to do as a child was to GRADE! I remember playing “school” with you. You were my student, and I assigned you homework everyday. You faithfully completed these assignments, even though they weren’t that hard. But, I took so much joy in putting stickers on your homework assignments and writing “100%” with a smiley face just the way dad did. Thank you, for being so patient with me. You allowed a little girl to imagine and play out her dream, no matter how boring it was for you, and for that, I am incredibly thankful. It was summertime, and I really wanted some popsicles. I would not stop jumping up and down next to the freezer. Eventually, you went to get me one, but you had accidentally hit my head with the freezer door. It hurt so badly that I fell to the floor and started crying. I remember you swept me up into your arms and rocked me back and forth until my wailing turned into a gentle sob. You apologized to me so many times, even though it was my fault for being impatient. I can’t wait to hold my own children and grandchildren in that way in the future. The last one… we were on the couch watching the news, and at that time Clinton was our president. You looked at him, and then back at me. You gently lifted my chin up to you, and you told me, “Hmm. You have the look of a leader. You will grow up to be someone big and important just like the president!” At that time, Harvard was the only university that I knew of, and I remember thinking to myself, “WOW! Really?! I’m going to go to Harvard when I grow up!” Ah-Ma, I graduated from UCLA in 2011 with my B.S., and from UCLA again in 2012 with my M.Ed. You weren’t healthy enough to come watch me graduate either of those years; I know it’s not Harvard, but I hope you would’ve been proud of me if you were there. I’m also a high school math teacher now, so I guess in some way, you were right J I’m not big and important like the president, but I hope to do big and important things in my students’ lives. Looking through the photo albums, I realize how TRENDY you are, Ah-Ma! All those long hours that you spent in the bathroom getting ready did not go to waste! You were so beautiful, and even up until the very end, the white hairs that you always tried to dye, shined so gracefully. Thank you, Ah-Ma, for not only showing and teaching me how to be a classy woman, but for patiently loving me through all of my childhood. I love you!!! Love, Tiffany “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Revelation 21: 4

Dear Ah-Ma,

These past 8 years since you’ve moved to America have been hard. I know you had started to forget the smallest things – like what you had eaten for dinner, to eventually forgetting who we were. I wished so much that I could help you remember these things, but I knew I couldn’t. Whenever I think about you, there are 3 memories that I can always fondly, and so easily recall. I want to share them with you…

Ah-Ma, I’ve always wanted to be a teacher, and I remember my favorite thing to do as a child was to GRADE! I remember playing “school” with you. You were my student, and I assigned you homework everyday. You faithfully completed these assignments, even though they weren’t that hard. But, I took so much joy in putting stickers on your homework assignments and writing “100%” with a smiley face just the way dad did. Thank you, for being so patient with me. You allowed a little girl to imagine and play out her dream, no matter how boring it was for you, and for that, I am incredibly thankful.

It was summertime, and I really wanted some popsicles. I would not stop jumping up and down next to the freezer. Eventually, you went to get me one, but you had accidentally hit my head with the freezer door. It hurt so badly that I fell to the floor and started crying. I remember you swept me up into your arms and rocked me back and forth until my wailing turned into a gentle sob. You apologized to me so many times, even though it was my fault for being impatient. I can’t wait to hold my own children and grandchildren in that way in the future.

The last one… we were on the couch watching the news, and at that time Clinton was our president. You looked at him, and then back at me. You gently lifted my chin up to you, and you told me, “Hmm. You have the look of a leader. You will grow up to be someone big and important just like the president!” At that time, Harvard was the only university that I knew of, and I remember thinking to myself, “WOW! Really?! I’m going to go to Harvard when I grow up!” Ah-Ma, I graduated from UCLA in 2011 with my B.S., and from UCLA again in 2012 with my M.Ed. You weren’t healthy enough to come watch me graduate either of those years; I know it’s not Harvard, but I hope you would’ve been proud of me if you were there. I’m also a high school math teacher now, so I guess in some way, you were right J I’m not big and important like the president, but I hope to do big and important things in my students’ lives.

Looking through the photo albums, I realize how TRENDY you are, Ah-Ma! All those long hours that you spent in the bathroom getting ready did not go to waste! You were so beautiful, and even up until the very end, the white hairs that you always tried to dye, shined so gracefully.

Thank you, Ah-Ma, for not only showing and teaching me how to be a classy woman, but for patiently loving me through all of my childhood. I love you!!!

Love,

Tiffany

“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Revelation 21: 4

Today, I picked up my bounded inquiry. It’s weird seeing it in print!!! I am officially DONE ^__^ Masters….check!!! Praise GOD!!! He has been so faithful.

Today, I picked up my bounded inquiry. It’s weird seeing it in print!!! I am officially DONE ^__^

Masters….check!!!

Praise GOD!!! He has been so faithful.

13 And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them.
14 But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God.
15 Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.”
16 And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them.

Mark 10: 13-16

May 27, 2012 - 8:03AM

I was delighted to find this e-mail this morning:

“Hi Tiffany,

Congrats! your inquiry is a pass. The second reader mentioned that you need to do some editing. I will do a final read through and give you comments in the mean time, go ahead and read through and let me know when you are ready to get it bound.
I hope you are having a great weekend!
Sunanda

Dear Tiffany,

I found your inquiry project to be an amazing journey of grappling with understanding what it means to be a social justice educator.  What you learned was truly transformational as well as inspirational.

You did a wonderful job integrating theories that you had studied with making sense of your practice and schooling overall.  It was evident that you were deeply influenced by the work of Howard, Calkins and especially Bartolome. I think it is important that you looked at the issues at both the micro and macro levels.  While there are definitely things you can pay attention to as a teacher – the humanizing notions, there are still structures – like those that deal with absenteeism that must be addressed systematically and also humanely.

You learned a great deal about the importance of developing relationships with your students, knowing who they are and caring deeply about them and their learning. I congratulate on a job well done.  You are well on your way to becoming the social justice educator that you strive to be.”

Almost there!!